


Dark Side Neutralize

by voleuse



Series: Mezzanine [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:14:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25614151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voleuse/pseuds/voleuse
Summary: Can't be together. Can't stay apart.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Mezzanine [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1928404
Comments: 3
Kudos: 36





	1. From Way Above

**Author's Note:**

> I was trying to parse the emotional throughline of the sequels, but with added makeouts. And then it just kept going?

Kylo was pulled into dreams. No, visions. Sand stretching into the horizon and an old ship. A temple burning. A child screaming. A solitary island in an endless sea. Memories, and something else.

And the girl. Standing before him, dressed for the desert, hair twisted into a braid, hands smudged with grease and sand. He saw her in snow, in fire, in sun, in rain.

The confusion on her face mirrored his own. But this wasn't the first time he'd seen her as he slept.

She was close. Getting closer.

Kylo woke.

***

She'd been light in his arms, as if still made of dreamstuff. Kylo carried her to the interrogation room and laid her down. He waved the others out, then sat to wait. She looked peaceful when she wasn't pointing a weapon at him.

Something flickered in the back of his mind. She woke. Her jaw tightened. She wanted to kill him. She wanted to see him. 

Her mind felt an echo of his own, that crash and hiss of power barely constrained. When hazy images sharpened to full color, they were as vivid as the dreams he'd been having. Memories. And yes, something else.

Then everything shifted. As Kylo pressed, she pressed back. The closer he was to being in her mind, the less he was able to distinguish his own. She slid into his mind as if he'd shown her how. She saw him.

When their connection broke he had to stumble back. He'd lost his breath and his ears were ringing.

"You're not just afraid," she said. "You're lonely, too. Restless. Unsettled." 

He found himself a hands-breadth from her again, the distance somehow melted without his notice. Her gaze traced over his face, across his shoulders. 

"You want more than information," she murmured. She looked him in the eye. "You want me." She tilted her head. "You can't stop looking at me."

Kylo inhaled sharply. The touch of her mind trembled and then revealed. "And you feel the same." Their breaths were counterpoint. They had the same heartbeat. "You want me to release the restraints. And what then?" Her hands flexed and she bit her bottom lip. He started to remove his gloves.

The door slid open and he jerked back. "Sir," someone said. "The Supreme Leader wishes to speak to you."

"Right." He looked back at the girl, his focus back on his task. Thwarted. "We'll finish this soon."

As he walked out, he heard her say, "But not the way you want."

***

Kylo felt the hum and shift he'd realized was Rey's herald. She stepped into his quarters as if in a trance. She didn't notice him at first, but when she did, her eyes flickered over him. Once again fully dressed.

"Disappointed?" Then he drew closer, curious. She was...sodden? "Where are you?"

"It's raining here," she half-answered. "I'd never seen rain before, not like this." Even as she spoke, Rey held her arms out, palms up. 

Kylo only felt faint specks of it, even though he could see her within the deluge. Clothes plastered to her, skin slick. She raised her face to the sky, he assumed, and she closed her eyes in seeming bliss.

He lifted an arm, wanting to catch her hand, pull her closer. But he stopped short of actual contact and found Rey watching him, holding her breath.

"You should probably get out of the rain," he murmured. To him, she seemed to just walk a short arc past, but her posture changed and she shook her hands, stomped her feet. 

"Did it rain where you grew up?" she asked. "Or were you mostly on ships?" Rey shed her water-logged vest as they talked. Balanced on one foot, then the other as she tugged her boots off, undid the wraps on her arms.

He leaned back against a worktable. "I lived in a lot of places."

She seemed to hesitate as her hands fell to the leather sashes she wore. "If it rained on Jakku, everything fell apart. Literally." 

He was wondering what she would decide when, without looking at him, she began unbuckling, loosening, untying. Kylo could almost feel the metal and hide under his own hand. 

"Handy when you're carrying multiple weapons," he observed. She shot him a look as he felt amusement thrum through their bond. "I've usually only got the one."

Rey looked him over again, and he grew conscious of the heavy material armoring his chest, the stricture of his belt, the snug fit of his gloves.

"Are you still in your quarters?" Rey asked. She'd dug new strips of cloth out of her pack and began wrapping her arms again.

He nodded.

"So you just dress like that _all_ the time?" 

"Sometimes people intrude." He raised his eyebrows. 

Rey tilted her head. "Am I not the only one?" She angled herself away from him, lifting her arms to fiddle with something. A lamp? A window?

He would have responded, but he was distracted--a length of fabric had slipped off her shoulder. It fell further, and that was when he realized she was actually changing her clothes.

He cleared his throat. "Rey?"

She looked over her shoulder at him with a dare in her eyes. "Ben?"

Fine. He stepped closer to her and caught the scent of salt and lightning. "You're near an ocean," he deduced.

A rustle, and then the sleek length of her back. He didn't notice she hadn't answered because his gaze was sweeping over her shoulders, down her spine, lower.

A tunic suddenly impeded his view; he almost protested. Before he could, Rey turned around and they faced each other, barely a foot between them. 

If he raised his hands, he could catch her waist and draw her closer. He could slide under the tunic, he could feel how soft her skin would be on the back of her neck. If he bent his head, he'd finally get to taste her.

Rey had drawn closer and her breath was shallow. She was staring at his mouth, and when she looked up, her expression mirrored his own. 

He could touch his fingers to her slope of her shoulder, down to her collarbone, between her breasts. She would gasp; he would make her moan. He'd yank the tunic off and drop it on the floor with the--

He noticed the clothes around their feet, puddles gathering beneath them. "How long were you in the rain?" The smell of seawater. "In the ocean?" 

She shivered for all the wrong reasons.

He looked to her and found the desire had been replaced by something hollow. Dark. "What happened?" he whispered.

"I fell," she said. "Then there was something, I don't know how to explain it."

"Rey," he replied. "You can tell me." He drew back, seated himself on the worktable. "Tell me."

She quickly finished dressing, then pulled a blanket over her shoulders and sat across from him. "There's a cave."

***

After the stormtroopers finished programming the shackles, Kylo dismissed them with a single gesture.

"I don't know why you're doing this," Rey muttered as they left the landing bay and moved into the corridors. 

Kylo looked sharply at her. "You, a Resistance fighter, arrived in the _Millenium Falcon_ , then floated into a First Order capital ship in an escape pod." He ignored passing troops, focused on their destination and also his fingertips, barely brushing against her back. 

"Yes," Rey replied, "But if we go back to the hangar--"

"Stop." He scowled at her, then swiveled around in the corridor. He directed her into what looked like a communication hub. "Out," he snapped, and the half-dozen people that were working exited quickly, unquestioningly.

When they were alone, she observed, "You enjoy doing that."

"It's a perk," he said. "And we're not going back to the landing bay. We're not leaving."

She sighed. "Ben." He slid his hand to her elbow as she turned towards him. "You don't belong here."

"I don't belong with the Resistance either," he replied. 

Rey tilted her face toward his. "Maybe not," she said.

He leaned closer. "Then where do you think I belong?" 

He wasn't sure who kissed whom, but she was suddenly in his arms, her cuffed hands folded awkwardly between them. Even so, she dug her fingers into his chest, her teeth grazing his bottom lip as she stood on her toes to get closer. 

They collided slowly into a console and Kylo dropped into one of the vacated seats. Between breaths, she pressed forward and straddled one of his legs. He caught her face, slid a hand into her hair. He dropped his hands to her hips as she rocked against him, groaning as he felt the heat of her through their layers of fabric. She gasped as his hands fell lower, tugged her until they were almost flush, her hips pressed against him.

"Say the word," he said as she trailed her lips down his throat. "Say you'll stay. We'll go to my quarters right now."

Rey stiffened, dragged herself out of his lap. "Stay?" She backed up until she hit another console. They stared at each other. "You know I can't do that."

"Why not?" he asked. Then he looked around, remembering where they were. "We should go. He'll be waiting for us."

"Right." Rey ducked her head, struggling to reorder the locks of hair that he had pulled free. 

Finally able to stand easily, Kylo rose. "Let me," he said.

Her expression was wary, as if the past few minutes had never happened. Finally she nodded permission and he stepped around her. Tugged the band from her hair and smoothed the locks, his hands feeling clumsy in their gloves. His fingers lingered on her neck, the curve of her shoulder. 

Catching her elbow in his hand, he steered her back into the corridor. He could feel Rey steadying herself with the Force, finding a balance between her mind and body. Her calm became theirs.

By the time they reached the elevator, they almost looked like the two people they were supposed to be.

***

His command ship had just left Crait when Rey appeared in front of him again. She was crouched on the ground, as if she was fixing something. An engine? A droid? She looked up.

Kylo was in his quarters. He had thrown his cloak down and was seated, leaning back against a wall. Numb. Trying to decide what was next. 

She stood, for once staring down at him. "Supreme Leader?"

"I didn't come up with the title," he said. 

"But you took it." Rey took a step closer to him. "You look so tired," she murmured.

"Long day." He wanted to reach out, take a closer look at the gash on her arm. He didn't.

Rey seemed to start talking, stop, then start again. "Luke is gone."

"I know." He closed his eyes for a moment, remembering the spike of that sharp absence. "What he did should have been impossible."

"He did it for you," she said.

"To keep me away from you and," he looked away, "and the Resistance." 

"Yes," Rey conceded. "But he wasn't angry at the end."

Kylo knew that, too.

She continued, "Even though you did manage to kill him, after all." By the time she reached the end of the sentence, her voice was heated. "I suppose I'm next?"

"Rey--"

The door to his quarters slid open and Hux stepped in. Kylo cursed.

Hux sneered. "I'm not thrilled to see you, either."

Rey was gone. Kylo made sure to slam Hux against the wall as he stalked past him.

***

It was weeks before they connected fully again. Kylo was finishing a meal and Rey turned and saw him, lightsaber in hand.

"Ben," she said.

"Trying to kill me?" He held up his empty hands. "My lightsaber is in the other room."

Rey rolled her eyes at him, even as her saber flickered out. "I'm training," she said. "Your mother has been teaching me."

He clenched his jaw, looking away. "I don't suppose you'll tell me where you are?"

She advanced and seemed to sit across from him at the table. Was she outdoors? Was she alone? "I wish," she started, then seemed to consider her words. "I wish we hadn't left things the way we did."

"Yeah." He pushed aside the remnants of his meal, folded his hands. "My offer's still open."

"To join you?" She shook her head. 

"It would be so easy," he said. "And you would never be alone again. I'd never leave you."

Something like longing flickered in her eyes. And confusion. "Why do you want the Order ruling the galaxy?" She reached over the table and covered his hands with hers. "What do you want?"

He took a deep, steadying breath, the shock of her touch once again new to him. "I want the galaxy to make sense again," he responded. "I want this to make sense."

Rey blinked, her eyes tearing up. "There's a better way."

"Then why do people have to fight so hard for it?" He pulled his hands out of hers and stood, walking around the table to her. "Rey," he said, and she stood to face him.

"You said," she replied, "to let the old things die. Why not the First Order?"

"We'll remake it." He touched a hand to her face, and when she leaned into it, he pulled her to him. He dipped his head, barely brushing his lips over hers once, twice. Rey brought him into a kiss, slow and indulgent.

The strength of their connection surged to the forefront, and he was caught in the turmoil they had made together. Rage, guilt, isolation, want, all their emotions meshing, then diverging.

"You could be here," he said, "with me. I know you want that--I can feel it."

"Ben," she said. "This war is killing people I love."

He closed his eyes and murmured, "And what about me?"

A beat, and then she whispered, "I wish I knew."

He tried to tighten his arms around her, but by then he was only holding air.


	2. On the Dark Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dreams seduce.

Visions still came to Kylo. At odd moments, flashes of pain and fear and what-ifs that they shared. And one night, a dream. 

The space was cavernous and dark, the only sounds a gathering storm and a faint, echoing chant. Kylo watched Rey, seated next to him, as she gazed around. As she took in him, their clasped hands, and the throne looming behind them.

"The Sith throne," he said. "It's ours." He pressed his lips to her shoulder, cloaked in black. The length of her gown draped to the floor and gold was wired through her hair.

She lunged away and stumbled down off the dais. "I don't want this," she said.

"You do," Kylo said, "or we wouldn't be here. This wouldn't be here." He gestured around. 

"It can't be real," she said. "It's awful." A crack of thunder, lightning striking near. 

"We'll go somewhere else." He descended to stand with her. "Together we could do whatever we want."

She reached for her absent lightsaber and only then seemed to realize she was dressed like a queen.

"Join me," he said. They stood barely a foot away from each other. "Accept the dark side. No one will be able to stop us. All you have to do is say yes."

"No," she said. "Never." Her frustration bloomed to anger in a slow, roiling burn. And along with it rose her strength in the Force, almost stinging him.

"It's anger," he realized, "Anger and pain. That's what you need."

Rey frowned. "What are you talking about?"

He took her bewilderment as an opportunity and caught her face in his hands. She grabbed his wrists but stood steady as he kissed her. Not urgently. Not gently. Like they were standing outside of time.

When she sighed into his mouth, he drew back, willing his breath to even. "This way would have been more fun." He watched her lips tremble and felt slight regret. 

"This war will end," she hissed. "I will do everything to stop you."

"You will." Kylo traced the line of her jaw with his fingertips. "That's how I know you'll turn."

When he broke the connection, the resolve on her face was a vow.

***

The dreams continued. Once, they found themselves in snow, in the forest of Ilum. But not wounded. Not even armed. Just standing at the edge of a precipice, the world cracking to pieces around them. The same defiance on her face. Without the fog of pain and grief, he could better appreciate the flush of anger on her cheeks. The way she shivered in the cold. He reached out, brushed a stray lock of hair from her forehead. "You do need a teacher," he said.

"I've had them," she replied. "They've shown me more than you could ever know."

"And I know far more about _our_ power than they could even guess." He leaned forward. "Imagine what we could do together."

Rey stared at his throat as if she would use her teeth on it. 

"If you could have seen yourself." He traced a finger down her temple, along her jaw. "With every moment, you grew stronger. You burned with the Force."

"And I beat you," she said, but she had slipped her hands under his cloak, sending a jolt up his spine.

"You did," he said. He dipped his head to murmur by her ear. "Imagine what you could do now."

***

Once, they found themselves encircled by fire. It was Jakku and a village was burning. It was night and they were the only living things to be seen. The air smelled like static and blood. "Why would you do this, Ben?" She didn't look at him as she spoke. "Why would you want this?"

"Power requires sacrifice," he said. "I don't enjoy it. It just has to be."

"You're wrong."

Standing behind her, he dropped his hands to her hips and kissed her shoulder. "With the dark side, you'd never want for anything again." A kiss to the back of her neck. "Never afraid, never alone."

She leaned back against him. "I'd never get my parents back."

"But you could stop anyone who tried to take anything else from you." 

She turned her head. "I can do that now." The scorn in her eyes surprised him. "You'll have to do better than that," she said.

As their dream splintered, Kylo felt a sense of triumph. But also, unease.

***

Once, they found themselves Takodana. There were old tree trunks, moss-covered boulders, and sun streaming down through the gaps in the branches above them. They stood in the spot of their first confrontation, but her attention wasn't on him. Instead, she looked around the forest, breathing deep.

"The girl I've heard so much about," he recalled. But she was different: Her shoulders loose and legs planted--a fighting stance--and without the least trace of fear in her eyes.

"I liked this place," she said. "It was the first new planet I'd seen." She looked at him with a flash of pain. "Your father offered me a job."

"He always had a soft spot for strays," Kylo responded.

"It bothers you." Rey advanced on him, as if he was the one frozen. "That Han accepted me so quickly. That he found someone he wanted to keep around."

Kylo concealed his flinch poorly. "Someone who was desperate for a parent."

"And Luke. And Chewie. And Leia." He could almost see the shadows flicker around her. "Ben," she said. "Do you really think the Sith would want _both_ of us?"

When she reached for him, he stepped back. He closed his eyes. He faded away.

***

Once, they found themselves standing in the center of a cave. The downpour of rain echoed into the space. Behind Rey was a mosaic. He didn't know where they were, but he could see that she did. Anger smoldered in her eyes. "Why does this keep happening?"

"Because you want it to," he replied. "This is what we both want." He looked around. "Where are we?"

"The first Jedi temple," Rey said. "This is where Luke taught me."

"Charming." He resisted the impulse to look at the mosaic more closely. 

"He said," she looked down at her hands, "that I went straight to the dark."

He caught up her hands in his. "Because it's who we are."

She pulled her hands away. "I'd be much more willing to join you if you didn't keep trying to kill me." 

Kylo studied her face as he responded. "Do you really think I would?"

"You keep pointing cannons in my direction," Rey said, exasperated.

He shrugged. "You have a talent for surviving."

"I've had a lot of practice." She stepped closer. "Thanks to you."

He couldn't help asking. "Would you kill me?" 

She slid her hands onto his chest, lifted her face as if waiting for a kiss. 

"Yes."

***

He had thought he could fight Rey forever and been satisfied. Just the two of them, surrounded by ruins and drenched by restless waves. Nothing but their bond and bodies, clashing in song. Just as it had been in Ilum, he had almost seen the power grow around her, a beckoning halo of rage. Even as they had fought, he hadn't known what he wanted the end to be.

 _Ben_. It had been a faint whisper, but that voice would ever stop him in his tracks. He turned, and there his mother stood. _Our Ben_. Her eyes were sad. Loving. Tired. _We'll always be your home_. She looked past him and smiled. _So will she_ , his mother had said. _Come back_. He'd turned around, and that's when Rey used his own lightsaber to sear straight through his lungs.

In that moment before she speared him, he had seen the dark side surge behind her eyes and take full hold of her. He'd wanted this for so long, but it wasn't Rey in front of him. She had been glad as she killed him. 

Then immediately, her horror. As if she had ricocheted back into herself and was propelled back to his side. And his mother was gone, and Rey had knelt next to him. Death faded and her life became his. 

They had the same heartbeat.

When she had left, it almost hadn't mattered. Rey was part of him, she always had been and always would be. As she flew off, he felt everything in him shaken and turned upside down. Mended.

And now here he was. Embracing, if too late, his mother and father. Darkness and doubt bleeding away. Gaining surety in purpose.

He'd promised Rey they would face Palpatine together. His mother had asked him to return. He didn't want to disappoint either of them ever again.

Now he just had to figure out how to get back to shore.


	3. Love Her Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New life, new ways.

_A dyad in the Force._  
He held her.  
_Two that are one._  
She woke.  
_A power like life itself._  
They survived.

***

At the Resistance post in Ajan Kloss, the celebrations were only interrupted for assisting the wounded and honoring those lost. He and Rey instinctually stayed close to the _Falcon_ , but many sought Rey out to share in their joy and their pain.

What he discovered, through the comings and goings of the rebels, was that without his mask and cowl, most of them didn't recognize him at all. 

As things started to slow down, they found themselves reclined against a stack of crates, listening to the sounds of the camp around them.

Rey leaned against him and he slid an arm around her shoulder. He felt the whirl of emotions she was feeling: hope, relief, pain, loss. An echo of the anger he'd stoked in her for so long.

"I hate what we did to each other," he whispered. Rey rubbed her cheek against his shoulder and he amended, "Most of what we did to each other." 

Rey slid a hand up to his collarbone, tracing it idly. "Agreed."

"Rey, I don't know how you can ever--"

She pressed her lips against his throat. "We have all the time we need," she assured him. "We can talk about the parts we liked first."

"Anything in particu--"

"Rey!" A medic walked up to them. "Someone said you and your friend needed checking?" They looked over the various scrapes, cuts, and bruises visible on the two. They eyed him. "Way you're sitting, probably a couple of bruised ribs."

Rey shifted so she was sitting upright. "Nothing permanent, I think. Maybe a sprained ankle." The medic dug into their pack and pulled out antibiotic gel and a roll of bandages, handing them over to Rey. They turned to him. "I should scan you."

He reluctantly edged away from Rey, groaning as he sat forward. 

The medic bent so they could see the readings as they checked his ribs. "What's your name, anyway?" they asked.

He looked over at Rey and her nod was all he needed. "Ben. My name is Ben Solo."

***

The droids were happy to see Ben had returned to the fold. Dameron and Finn--who Ben still couldn't quite fathom as replacing his mother in command--were more of a challenge. After finding some new clothes and getting cleaned up, he found Rey in the middle of a tense conversation. They paused as he walked up.

"This is about me," he guessed.

Dameron scowled. "About how you're a murderer? About all of the people you enslaved?" 

"Hey, Poe," Finn said, putting his hand on Dameron's shoulder. 

"He's the enemy." Dameron turned to Rey. "Leia would still be alive if it wasn't for him."

Ben felt that like a blade through his stomach, but he couldn't counter. Wouldn't even try.

"I would have died if Ben wasn't there," Rey said. "More than once. He's changed. Like we've all changed."

The three friends exchanged a long look that Ben couldn't parse, even through his bond with Rey. 

Finally, Dameron relented. "We'll take it up later," he said. "Ren." Like a curse. He stalked off.

Finn shot Ben a serious look. "Probably best to keep a low profile."

"Thanks," he replied. 

After giving Rey another quick hug, Finn departed. Rey reached over and grasped Ben's hand. 

"Come on," she said. She led him through a warren of consoles and supplies. They passed people gathered around cookfires, or tinkering with equipment, or just standing around talking. The camp wasn't so much ordered as grown into a perceptible pattern. 

Near the outskirts of the camp, she slowed and pointed. "Leia set up a training course there," she said. She threw a quick, worried glance at him, but he just said, "Okay," and put the pain aside.

"I wanted to be near it," Rey said, "so I camped out here." She stopped in front of a small shelter built out from a gigantic hollowed tree trunk. Inside was simple--a shelf, a cookstove, and a pallet. 

He looked around as she lit a couple of lamps. She set aside her weapons and started to unlace the multiple fastenings and holsters she wore. "Rey," he said. "What are we doing here?"

"Keeping a low profile," she said. Free of constrictions, she leaned against him. "And I'm exhausted." She dropped onto the pallet and tugged on his arm. 

He sat and settled next to her. Kissed the top of her head as she pressed her cheek against his chest. They fell asleep quickly, limbs tangled and peaceful.

It was dark when he stirred again, the only light the lamps she had lit earlier. He opened his eyes to find Rey with her chin propped on his chest. 

"What?" he asked. He shifted to his side. 

"I have wanted to see you smile for so long," she said. She scooted up and kissed him just under his ear. "I like it."

He cupped her face in one hand, rubbing his thumb against her cheekbone. "I like yours, too." 

Their kiss was sweet at first, but soon deepened. He stroked a hand down Rey's spine and she shivered.

"Are you still tired?" she asked. "We don't have to--"

He gave her a blank look. "Are you kidding me? Come here." Then he paused. "We're alone out here, right? Because if Threepio walks in on me again, it might do permanent damage."

"They only come out here if there's an emergency," Rey replied, then paused. "Did you say 'again'?"

"Uh." He considered not answering, but Rey looked so weirdly delighted that he relented. "I grew up with the droids," he reminded her. "One time, I thought I would be alone for a while, and please don't make me tell you the rest of this story."

Rey was laughing against his shoulder; her breath tickled. He tried to look stern. 

"Okay," he said, starting to sit up, "If you'd rather wa--" 

She pushed back at his chest firmly, then began working on the fastenings at his waist. "Don't think this won't come up later," she warned him.

"Sure," he said faintly. He stifled a curse as she wrapped her hand around him. When he was able to focus enough to tug her tunic over her head, he felt especially proud. It was an awkward few moments as they removed the rest of their clothing. Rey accidently elbowed him in the stomach, but they otherwise managed it without further injury.

He tugged at the knots of her hair until it felt loose in his hands. Through their bond, her affection almost dizzied him. He wanted to savor the way their desire entangled, all their past anger gone.

"Ben," Rey said. She snaked a leg high around his, drawing him closer. "We can go slowly next time."

He nodded shakily, she arched her hips, and as he pressed into her, she breathed out, "Finally."

He tried to reply, but found he couldn't remember actual words. 

They managed.

***

**Things Ben Solo Can Do:**

  * Use the Force 
  * Fight 
  * Pilot a ship 
  * Devise military strategy 
  * Command hundreds of thousands 
  * Smash things 
  * Provoke strong feelings 
  * Rule by fear 
  * Manage severe pain 
  * Make unthinkable sacrifices 
  * Not smile for several years 
  * Ignore his conscience 
  * Alienate loved ones 
  * Continuously disappoint 
  * Regret everything 



***

Ben had been on the training course with Finn for a couple of hours before Rey showed up.

"There you are," she said, then seemed to take in the scene: Both men in their shirtsleeves, Ben balanced over a ravine, Finn wearing a helmet with a blast shield and carrying a lightsaber. "What's going on?"

Finn took off the helmet. "It's a long story."

"Finn asked me to help him practice with the Force," Ben said as he returned to solid ground.

"Okay, pretty short story," Finn conceded.

"Practice?" Rey directed a confused look at Finn.

Ben looked between the two of them. "Rey, you didn't know?"

Finn looked abashed. "I kept meaning to tell you."

"I figured he could," Ben added. "He wouldn't have survived fighting me without the Force."

"Thanks, man," Finn said.

Ben shrugged. 

"I suppose I never stopped to think about it." Rey rubbed her temple with a sigh. "It's a good idea, though. And Ben's better with a saber than I am."

"Says the woman who gave me this," Ben said, pointing at the scar running across his face. "And this," as he placed a hand on his ribs.

"I meant technique," Rey replied. "You've had more formal training than I--"

"Should I go?" Finn asked, pointing back over his shoulder. "This seems like a conversation I don't want to hear."

"No," Rey said. "Rose and I are rebuilding that speeder today--I was just going to ask Ben if he wanted to come." She looked at Finn. "Why didn't you ask me to train with you?"

"I was going to," Finn said. "But then I figured Ren owed me for, you know, the coma. Plus all the trouble of cleaning up after him."

Ben frowned. "That's why you asked me?" as Rey repeated, "Trouble?"

Finn flipped the helmet in his hands. "Do you have any idea how many times I had to sweep up after you hacked something to pieces?"

"Probably a lot." Ben shut his eyes, largely because he had a decent guess at what Rey's expression would be.

"We used to dice to see who would take shifts when you were around," Finn said. "And haul the new equipment to replace all the stuff you broke."

"Do we need to work on your impulse control?" Rey asked.

"Is the breaking stuff a dark side thing?" Finn asked. He looked from Ben to Rey and back again. "Too soon?"

"Yes," Ben and Rey said at once, nodding.

"Have we mentioned how weird it is when you two do that?" Finn asked.

Rey snorted. "I've got to meet Rose." She gave Finn a quick hug, then clasped hands with Ben for a moment. "We'll catch up later." As Rey walked off, she called back, "Ben forgets to guard his left sometimes."

Finn said, "Noted," and when he fell into a fighting stance, Ben found himself resigned.

***

That afternoon, Rey found him still on the training course, alone, floating a few feet off the ground. He'd shed the shirt he had been wearing earlier, though the new one still hung open, unbuttoned.

As she approached, he opened his eyes. "I've never been as good at the meditation parts." He wobbled a bit as he returned to earth. "It just took so long."

"So the impulse control is a dark side thing, then," Rey replied.

He thought it over. "There's no balance with the dark side. Just...more." He sighed. "Why hold back when it would make you stronger? But it wasn't the same for you, was it?"

She shook her head. "Not really. I spent so long pretending my parents would come back." She wrapped her arms around herself. "Once I let go of that, I didn't have anything to anchor me. I didn't have a center anymore."

"And I had so many anchors, I thought they were weighing me down." He tugged Rey's arms apart, pulling her towards them. "And then I broke a lot of stuff," he added.

"And I..." Rey trailed off as she traced the scar that angled down his face, down his throat, his shoulder, slanting down his chest. Where that ended, there was the wound she had given him on Endor.

"Hey." He caught her chin and kissed her. "It's okay."

"Well, I'm only sorry about one of them," she said. But she followed the path of his scars again, her lips soft against his skin. 

When she continued on down, Ben choked. "Rey, what if someone sees--."

Rey looked up at him. "Should I stop?" Her expression was innocent, as if she had no idea what her right hand was doing.

"No. No, this is. No. I'll." He gestured vaguely. "Go on."

***

As the people at Ajan Kloss started to disperse, either back to their families or to some smaller mission, Ben found his interactions with the others at varying levels of awkwardness.

Sometimes it helped that Chewie and Lando were happy to have him lend a hand in their work. And D'Acy, for some reason, decided to treat him like he was still twelve and she was still the woman who beat his father at sabacc every other week. Those who fought in the last war were, largely, the people who remembered him as a child.

Rey's friends, those whose experience with war was solely the Resistance, well. They weren't as inclined to forgive.

Finn, by virtue of the Force, had an easier time extending trust. Also, Ben found with some chagrin, Finn had a good many stories about Kylo Ren, tantrum-throwing commander. He had an uncanny talent for sharing stories right when it would embarass Ben the most.

Rose and Beaumont, the engineer and the analyst, would often draw Ben into technical discussions. They were safe conversations, and interesting besides. They saw him in the present, rather than through echoes of the past.

One evening at a communal dinner, Rose kept glancing over at him. "Ben," she said during a break in conversation.

He blinked--usually nobody addressed him so directly. "Rose?"

"I think you have a beautiful soul," she said. Then she and Rey began a debate about the best kind of wire for filter patchwork.

Ben wasn't sure if he was supposed to respond. Thankfully, Finn leaned over and muttered, "She does that sometimes. It's cool."

In sharp contrast, however, were Dameron and Connix. They were barely civil with Ben when in larger groups, but if he encountered either or both of them on their own, things weren't so courteous.

One afternoon, he ran into them immediately as he left the _Falcon_. There was a long, silent moment. Ben said, "I almost beat Chewie at dejarik, so you might want to wait a few minutes--"

"You've got a lot of nerve," Dameron interrupted. "After what you did to Chewie, and to Solo--"

"No." Ben shook his head. "No. You don't get to talk to me about my father."

Dameron had taken two steps toward Ben when Rey emerged from the Falcon. "Poe! Kay!"

Connix scowled. "I don't get it. How you can even stand being around him?"

"You don't know him." Rey moved forward, her air of calm not fooling anybody. "He's one of us now."

"If he's so good, how'd he get all the way to Supreme Leader?" Dameron asked. "How could he have done any of it?"

Ben started to respond, but Rey put up a hand. "No." She looked Dameron over, then glanced at Connix. "Not now. Not when you're like this."

After the two stalked off, she leaned back into Ben's arms. "They'll come around eventually."

"He's probably still mad about that time I tortured him," Ben said. 

Rey twisted in his arms to glare. 

"Too soon?"

***

Later that night, they lay in bed listening to a quiet rainfall. Ben was twisting a lock of Rey's hair around his finger when he felt her mood shift. "What is it?"

Rey drummed her fingers down his forearm. "We don't have to talk about it if it bothers you."

"What Dameron said earlier?"

"Why _did_ you stay with the Order?" she asked. "You were struggling with it for so many years."

"I don't know. I guess I thought if I killed enough, broke enough," he said, "the conflict within me, the pain, would finally fade away." He closed his eyes for a moment. "And I thought I couldn't go back. Not with everything I'd done."

"That sounds awful," she replied. "What Snoke convinced you to believe. I'm sorry you had go through that."

"I chose to join him, though. I wanted to be stronger." Another reel of his actions flickered through his head. "I can't ever undo the things I did to get there."

"If Palpatine had found me," she pointed out, "our roles could easily have been reversed. And there are plenty of other things we can help with now."

He propped himself up on one elbow. "What did I do to deserve you?"

"Not enough, really." Rey smiled and pressed a hand against his chest. "But I've always seen your heart."

Ben tugged her down for a kiss, then sighed. "I have to balance it out. Somehow."

Rey shifted atop him. "Can it wait until the morning?"

He rolled until he was braced above her. "You could talk me into it."

She trailed her nails up his sides and to his shoulders. "Or." 

"Or." He dipped his head down to kiss her, moving from her lips, to behind her ear, to down her throat. 

"Ben," she said, almost breathless. When he looked up, she stroked the back of his head and then, firmly, directed him lower.

As he slid down her body, Rey arched, pulling off the shift she was wearing. He reached up to brush a hand over the curve of her breast even as he pressed his mouth between her thighs. By the time he had his tongue inside her, both her hands were soft at the back of his head, as if he needed any more encouragement. By the time she came, he'd already wrapped one of his hands around his cock. 

While she caught her breath, he stripped off his trousers then kneeled between her legs once again. After a writhe and stretch, Rey smiled at the sight of him, stroking himself as he gazed down at her. "Ben."

"Rey," he replied, then she twisted, hooked an ankle around the small of his back and pulled him close atop her. He paused to catch one of her nipples in his mouth, and he was so enamoured with the squeak she made that when her hand reached between them and took hold of him, it was somewhat of a surprise.

He hissed as she guided him to her core and with one, then two thrusts he was inside her. As he often did, Ben held himself still for a moment, letting their bond resonate while their bodies adjusted.

Sometimes Rey reveled along with him, but not tonight. With her thighs tight around his hips, she rolled so that she sat astride him. As they rocked against each other, he slid his palms against her breasts, down her sides. Low on her belly, and then one hand dropped to where their bodies met, circling his thumb in just the right spot.

He managed to hold out until she came a second time, and as he followed her over with a choked cry he thought no, he definitely did not deserve her at all.

***

When Ben woke up the next morning, Rey was already gone. He shut his eyes and reached out; she was working on the _Falcon_. Warmth pulsed through their bond, then he rolled out of bed.

It was late in the morning, but Rose still had coffee she was willing to share. He brought it to what used to be his mother's quarters and settled down to read.

He'd been parsing through an old Jedi text for a couple of hours when he felt someone headed his way. When he looked up, Maz Kanata was watching him.

"Feeling lost, young Solo?" She peered at the book in his hands. "I wouldn't have taken you for a historian."

"Yeah, well," he replied as he closed the text. "I'm not sure what I am anymore."

"Then you get to choose." She pushed her goggles onto her forehead. "They were so proud of you, you know."

"And look how things turned out," he responded.

"Yes," she said. "Look at where you are."

He considered the compliment. "But where do I go next?"

"A new government is forming," Maz said. "You could be helpful there."

He considered that--being part of the reforming a republic. Of helping shape what the galaxy would be. Should be. And he shook his head. "If there's one thing I've learned, it's that I shouldn't be in charge of anything."

"For now." Maz smiled. "I understand why you feel that way. But remember, you don't just walk in Vader's footsteps. Your mother and grandmother offer a legacy for you, as well."

Ben took a sharp breath, looked away. "I don't deserve to have a voice in any of this."

"Of course not," Maz replied. "But in time you can earn it." She hopped onto a bench in order to give him a pat on the shoulder. "Be patient with yourself."

"That's never been my strong point," he said.

"No." Maz hopped off and started walking away. "So practice." She squinted at him. "You owe me a castle if you need a place to start."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My version of "Nope, I reject this canon death" can be found in the first part of a previous story, [**Love to Ease: Partners**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25117714). (That story's much less moody, though.)


	4. Bring Me Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Atonement is a process, not a single act.

When he arrived on Takodana, within and surrounding the ruins of the fortress were makeshift shelters, canopies, and construction materials. After a chain of inquiries, Ben found Maz in a subterranean tunnel. The walls of space were rough-hewn and cool, and there were more shadows than light.

"Young Solo," Maz called out, and Ben turned a few corners until he found her rooting through a pile of old crates. "I was wondering when you'd arrive."

"We had to figure out who got custody of the _Falcon_ ," he said. Something was drawing his attention away from Maz, though--like a choir echoing through the back of his mind. "What is this place?"

"There was a great battle." Maz grunted as she yanked a box--carved intricately and pearlescent--into the open air. "Before even I was here. And a Jedi stronghold." She handed the box to him. "If you go far enough into these tunnels, you'll find the catacombs."

"I can feel them." Ben slowly opened the box, finding a small figure within, serpentine and worn. He started to lift it out, then thought better of it.

"Wise." Maz dusted her hands off. "This place grants visions to those strong in the Force. Rey was the last one to visit."

"Did she get a present, too?"

"Luke's lightsaber," Maz said. She gestured for him to follow her. "We've built temporary quarters near the old kitchens. You'll want to rest. There will be much to do."

It turned out Maz was one hundred percent serious about putting him to work. After a breakfast at dawn, she brought him to the architect and foreman. "Young Solo here is a Jedi," she said. "Almost. But he owes me a favor first."

"Ah," the foreman trilled. "Much faster than the usual equipment." And that was how Ben learned he was to do all the heavy lifting while the artisans ensured the structure would remain sound.

That evening, Rey appeared as he was lying in his cot with the remnants of a breadroll and a mug of Corellian ale. He was staring at the ceiling when she entered his field of vision.

"What happened to you?" she asked.

"Maz." Ben started to sit up, then thumped back down again. "Maz Kanata happened to me."

"She tends to do that." Rey tugged the ale out of his hands and set it on the floor, then had him budge over until he could rest his head in her lap. 

"Bricks," he said. "I spent all day lifting bricks. And rocks. And gates. Holding them in place. And then lifting more." Rey ran her fingers through his hair while he detailed the work he'd been doing. "How's Tatooine?"

"Quiet," she said. "Peaceful. You'd like it, I think." He offered her the last bit of bread, but she shook her head. "It feels a lot like home here, actually."

"Jakku?"

"Yes," she said. "Though, someone asked me who I was, why I was there." At Ben's look, she clarified, "Just a curious neighbor, I think."

"What'd you tell her?"

"I, um." Rey blushed. "I told her I was a Skywalker."

"You are. Practically." He caught one of her hands in his, circling his thumb to the center of her palm.

"Am I, though?" Rey asked. 

"You get to choose," he replied. "Be who you want. Be who you are."

Rey sighed. "In any case, it might take a while, but I think I can get the moisture farm back in working order."

"Do you think you'll stay there?" he asked. 

"For a while." Rey scooted around until she was lying next to him. "I think the droids could care for things when we're away."

Ben slid an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. "That's good," he said. He thought of saying more, but he was already drifting off.

When he woke in the morning, Rey was gone, of course. But a few weeks of masonry didn't seem so tiring anymore.

***

Ben had just passed through the hydrostatic barrier and removed his breather when behind him, Rey said, "Are you underwater?"

"Technically," he said. He tossed the breather onto the low table in his assigned quarters, then started stripping off his soaked clothing. 

Rey settled on a bench to watch him. "I thought you were staying near the palace," she remarked with something remarkably like a leer. He tossed his drenched shirt toward her, but she lobbed it back before it even reached her.

"There's another weapons cache close by," he said. "The Gungans offered me a place to stay while we sort it out." After pulling on a tunic and loose trousers, he pulled Rey off the bench to properly greet her. 

After a minute or two, she leaned back. "Rose says hello, by the way."

"Have you found any more of her family?" The bedding was set low on the floor; he winced slightly as he dropped onto it too quickly. 

Rey was much more graceful as she sat next to him. "Yes. A grandmother and a couple of cousins so far." She leaned against his shoulder. "You should come to Hays Minor and meet them. They're even nicer than Rose."

"That seems unlikely." He lifted one of her hands up and kissed the inside of her wrist. "And rooting out old Imperial stockades is taking more time than I thought."

She shifted on to her knees, then into his lap. "No chance I could convince you to join me?" She slid her arms around his neck.

"Probably not a good idea." With reluctance, Ben tipped her back onto the mattress. 

Rey continued her descent, flopping over with excessive drama. 

Ben laughed, twisting to kiss Rey before lying down next to her. "We shouldn't start something we might not finish."

"Ben." Rey flung her arms open. "It's been--"

"I know," he replied. "Believe me." 

"Fine." Rey rolled onto her side, propping her head up on a hand. "Tell me more about Naboo."

Ben thought it over. "One of the palace historians stalked me for a week," he said.

"Really?"

"Yeah," he replied. "He has a lot of questions. It was awkward." 

"That might be interesting, though," Rey said. "Finding out more about your family."

Ben nodded, then hesitated. 

"What?"

"He said he'd like to meet you, too." 

Rey looked away. "That sounds like a terrible idea."

"Maybe," he replied. "But, you know, it's something to think about. Finding out more, like you said."

"Or we could never think about it again." She paused. "Or at least not now."

"Yeah." Ben reached out and pulled Rey back into his arms. "So tell me more about Hays Minor."

They talked until Rey fell asleep, and he sighed as she disappeared.

***

Corellia had been invaded and liberated multiple times over the past few wars, and it showed. Coronet City wasn't the cultural hub it had been, either, but without the presence of the First Order, its potential was returning. Ben had joined a team sorting through abandoned Order warehouses, in case there were materials that could be reallocated. It was tedious work, but Ben found there was something satisfying in designating supplies for worlds his troops had previously plundered. And, to his surprise, D-O had asked to tag along. And while days were reserved for that work, in the evenings, Ben found himself assisting at one of the food distribution stations. In addition to refugees, a large number of whom were from Kijimi, there were the kids from local street gangs.

Ben was sorting through a crate of mostly slightly-bruised fruit when he heard D-O chirp, "My friend!" In a moment, BB-8 rolled up, greeted Ben, then headed to a corner with D-O to...gossip? What exactly did droids talk about in their free time? Then Ben realized that if BB-8 was there--

"Wouldn't have expected you here, Ren," Dameron said as he walked up. "But BB-8 swore this was where D-O was."

Ben grabbed another fruit crate and set it in front of Dameron. "Good fruit we keep, bad fruit we toss."

Dameron hesitated for only a second, then set to the task. For a while they worked in silence, listening to the steady buzz of the conversations around them. Once in a while, a kid would run up, snatch a piece of fruit, then disappear again. Dameron cleared his throat as he grabbed another crate. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

"The stormtrooper programs." Ben stared down at a half-rotten fruit. "We'd come to places like this, where there wasn't enough food." He tossed the piece into a trash bin. "Families resisted less once they knew troops got regular meals."

"That's," Dameron replied, "crappy."

"Yeah." Ben looked over at a table where a few street kids were chattering. "Dad grew up here. He didn't talk about it much, but he was on his own for a long time." He smiled. "He signed up for the Imperial Navy because he wanted to fly."

"From what Chewie says, he was something to see," Dameron noted.

"Some days I could have sworn Dad had some cyborg connection to the _Falcon_ ," Ben responded. "He and Luke always talked about competing, but Mom banned them from racing."

Dameron snorted. "Sounds like Leia. Nothing bugged her more than a hotshot pilot."

Ben glanced over at Dameron, who was definitely smiling like he knew. "She did marry one," he pointed out, and made sure not to look at Dameron after that.

The droids returned. "We explore," D-O said. BB-8 clarified: They were going to a nearby warehouse to look at some half-built AT-STs. Dameron told them to be careful; Ben reminded D-O to keep a channel open.

"You talked to Rey through your mindmeld thing?" Dameron didn't look over as he asked. Instead, he turned his attention to Babu Frik, who seemed to have taken charge of the ration packets. "She's with Chewie, right?"

"Yeah, on Kashyyyk," Ben replied. "I talked to her a couple of days ago." 

"She doing okay?"

"Kind of." Ben chuckled at Dameron's worried look. "Have you ever had a drinking contest with Chewie?"

"Months ago, and I'm still recovering." Dameron looked over at Ben, then back at the fruit. "I still don't get what she sees in you."

"Most of the time, neither do I," Ben replied.

Later that night, Ben sat alone in his temporary quarters and cast his mind towards Rey. There was the familiar shift-click, then she was sprawled on the floor in front of him, laughing.

"Are those," Ben squinted, "feathers?"

Rey turned her head to excuse herself from some conversation. "They're some kind of flower," she said, flicking the garland around her neck.

Ben helped her stand, then brought her in for a kiss, though he was careful not to crush the blossoms she wore.

"How are the droids?" she asked.

"They miss you." Ben settled onto a low couch, beckoning Rey to join him. "And I think BB-8 is teaching D-O how to pilot a walker."

"That wouldn't surprise me." Rey idly fiddled with her collar. 

"How's Chewie?" He smiled as Rey kicked off her shoes and draped her legs over his. "And his family?"

"He's the happiest I've ever seen him," Rey said. "Have you met Malla and Waroo before?" 

"A long time ago," he admitted. 

"Malla just beat Chewie in dejarik," Rey said. "And then there was dancing." She undid the wraps on her arms and tossed them down with her shoes.

"I'll have to visit just to see that," Ben replied. 

"And watching Chewie and Waroo is," Rey paused. "They're so close. I'm a little jealous."

Ben stroked a hand across her knee, watching her work through what she wanted to say.

"After being on my own for so long," she said, "sometimes I forget that I have a family now." She reached out and squeezed Ben's hand. 

"Sorry I took you away from the party," he said.

"It's all right," Rey replied, "I was about to leave anyway." She wriggled a bit.

Ben frowned as he realized she was pushing her leggings down. "Rey, what are you--"

She dropped them on the floor with her other clothes, then carefully pulled off her tunic.

"I thought we weren't going to--" He stopped as he realized she was only wearing the floral garland now. "Rey."

"We did agree," she said. She dropped her tunic on the floor. 

Ben groaned. "This is cruel. I still have to work with Dameron for the next two weeks."

"Well." Rey considered for a moment. "I suppose you don't have to watch." Then she slowly, deliberately trailed her fingers across her collarbone. Ran her hand over her breasts, her belly, and down, and despite himself, Ben watched.

The next time Dameron asked him how Rey was doing, Ben couldn't look him in the eye for a day and a half.

***

When the seas on Kamino were calm, Ben would prise open a window and drag his bedroll over. Fall asleep to the sound of the waves, if he could. One night, it didn't work so well. Long past midnight he was still restless. He twisted in his bedroll, and then Rey was there.

She smiled. "You couldn't sleep either?"

Ben shook his head. He leaned closer to drop a quick kiss, but she caught his slight wince as he did it.

"Ben?" She edged back and saw the bandage on his upper arm. "Is that from a blaster? What happened?"

"Pirates," he said. "Hiding out in one of the old cloning facilities."

"Is everyone all right?"

"Yeah, it's fine," he replied. "I just got careless. How are things on your island?"

"I'd guess my ocean is calmer than yours," Rey said. "But I spent most of the day building, actually."

He raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

"I owed the Jedi nuns a few favors," Rey replied.

Ben took that in for a second. "You're going to need to explain that more."

"That time I tried to blast you," she said, "I actually punched holes through a couple of shelters. I crushed some of their supplies with a boulder. Luke destroyed that dwelling when he interrupted us that night." She looked upwards. "And he burned down the sacred tree and the original Jedi texts, but that was after we fought. Oh, and I crashed your ship and set it on fire using the remains of the sacred tree."

"Okay," he said. "It sounds like _I_ might owe the nuns a few favors."

"I would like to see what you think of the temple," Rey replied. "There's an energy here that I haven't felt anywhere else."

He studied her expression. "And what else?"

"And if we're the last two Jedi in the galaxy," she said, "is it our responsibility?"

"I don't know," Ben responded. "But we'll figure it out."

"I hope so." Rey slid her arms around Ben and laid her head against his shoulder. He felt her eyelashes brush against his neck. "Ben?"

"Rey."

"Are you...wearing clothes under this blanket?"

"No."

"When you finish in Kamino," she said, deadly serious, "you're coming straight to meet me in Tatooine."

"Agreed."

***

Rey had been back on Tatooine for a couple of weeks before he was able to join her. She was standing outside when Ben arrived, though she didn't see him at first. Instead, she was focused on a series of panels on the side of the main building. He walked silently through the sand, but when he was still a length away from her, Rey started to reseal whatever she had been working on.

"You realize you can't actually surprise me," she said as she turned to him.

Ben caught her with one arm and tugged her close, pressing his forehead to hers. "That sounds like a challenge."

Rey nestled against him for a second before stepping away, though she kept hold of one of his hands. "I just finished shutting things down for the evening." She guided him down the slope and towards a door on their left. "I told the droids I'd cover everything while they're getting their upgrades."

As they stepped through the threshold, Ben dropped his bag, took his gloves and jacket off, and then swept Rey into his arms. She laughed as he twirled them around and pressed her against a wall. "Aren't you hungry?" she asked between kisses.

He pulled back long enough to give her a look, then continued down her throat and on, unfastening her clothing as he went.

"Or tired, maybe?" she asked. She brushed a lock of his hair back as he tugged her leggings down.

He squinted at her for a bare second, then nudged between her legs to drag his tongue over her clit. The sudden yank on his hair was, he thought, was a good sign. When he moved one of her knees to hook around his shoulder, her choked cry was even better.

When it seemed like she was right on the edge, he sat back on his heels. Rey's hands had fallen to clutch at the wall, and her tunic was loose and sliding off her shoulders. Also, she was glaring at him pretty intensely. 

"Ben, I will murder you."

"Just like when we first met." He reached out and caught one of her hands. "Come here." She slid bonelessly down the wall and he tipped back as she settled in his lap.

Her voice was a warning. "Ben."

He interrupted her with a soft kiss, then put his hand between her legs and slipped two fingers inside her, pressing the heel of his hand against her clit.

It was a minute or two before Rey was breathing evenly again, and he stroked her hair in the meantime.

She spoke, muffled against his shoulder. "You're still wearing clothes." She sounded offended.

"Probably not for long," he said. 

"Mm," Rey agreed. "Bedroom?" She slid a hand between them and stroked him firmly.

Kylo looked around the room. "Kitchen table?" Rey nodded, and that was the last conversation for a while.

***

They got to the bedroom eventually.

Beside him, Rey's stretch was a luxurious twist. "We should do this all week."

"That wasn't the plan?" He looped an arm around her waist and pulled her back to him. "I missed you."

"Then I'll go with you next time." Rey caught his free hand in her own and laced their fingers together. 

"You don't have to," he said. 

"We've been mostly apart for so long," she replied. "We should try staying together."

"So you're saying you want to join me," he said.

Rey rolled her eyes. "Yes, I want to join you."

"Finally," he said, then sobered. "I'm the one who needs to balance things out."

"And we need each other to feel balanced," she said. "So what's next?"

Ben sighed. "Lando wants me to go out to Endor. Jannah's been working with the Force, and a couple of the others."

"Finn said there might be," she replied. "And it seemed like you did well with his training."

"So far," he said. "But I don't know. My own Jedi training didn't work out so well."

"And I had barely any of it," Rey pointed out. "But maybe that's good we don't know the old ways. We can make something new." 

"It could work," he mused. "With both of us."

"And besides," Rey said, shifting until she lay atop him. "There are some things I just prefer to do with you in person."

Ben grinned. "Like what?"

She sat up above him and he stroked his hands down her thighs. "You'll have to help me make a list."

"We have the time," he said. "Finally."

She curved down to kiss him and he rose to meet her.

**Author's Note:**

> Titles taken from Massive Attack's "[ **Angel**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbe3CQamF8k).


End file.
